Thursday, 22 October 2015

How to handle breakup


Almost everywhere I go on the internet, I find advise on what to do and what not to do after a breakup. But those things may not really be the right thing to do. They may come in handy at a point but at some point they may just ruin the whole thing and leave you feeling depressed.
So I sat down to study some of my friends, neighbours and others who had gone through a breakup and I realized that 90% of what the internet advices you not to do after a breakup may turn out to be what you should actually do. Another thing I found out is that while some advise will work for some people, it may not work for others so its best if you just pick and stick to what works best for you.


If you are battling with a breakup, I feel your pain. I can understand what its like becoming single again after a relationship you never imagined will end.
I see breakup in three different ways and it all involve ending whatever relationship you guys are into.
- There is unanimous breakup where you both realize its not working and decides to end it.
- There is single breakup where one person wakes up and decides to quit.
- And there is unforeseen breakup where something just happens and you find yourself at the end of your relationship.
Either one, you may choose to be mad at yourself, lose sleep, lose weight, start acting weird and feeling like its the end of the world like my friend who claimed she had turned into "a walking corpse" and "can't wait to leave the earth". Or you can be like my other friend who just breath a sigh of relief and moves on not giving a damn.
Whatever you do after a breakup MAY affect you positively or negatively or maybe both.
But before you do anything crazy, please check what is best going to make you feel less depressed.
To me breaking up doesn't mean no more contact. I see it as an opportunity to be thankful for everything you have taught me and for making me see errors in what I have done and how I can amend them. I would be so grateful to still have such person as a pal.
Breaking up simply means the end of a relationship not the beginning of a war between you and your ex!

So I picked up some advise from the internet about what not to do after a breakup and I placed mine next to it.
You can go through them and see which works for you.


Internet advice one: Do not try to remain friends with your ex.
My advice: You don't need to turn yourselves into enemies.
Well, it may not be easy for you both to snap from being lovers to friends, but if you’re going to try that, then you can do it at your convenience. It could be after the relationship ends or after you have gotten over it (if you can).
If it won't work for you don't even try it. Especially when you don't want to be reminded about them. If you want it over and over with then good for you. You just have to cut all ties straight away.
But remember you may still need each other some day. I know someone who saw her "arch-enemy" who is also her ex on her wedding day! And guess what? He didn't come as a guest! He was the groom's best man! I wonder how she didn't know that till the wedding day.
If I have an ex! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, that person will become my bestie because that's when I begin to act normal with no relationship strings holding me!
Internet advice two: Do not stalk them on Twitter or Facebook.
My advice: Remain friends on Facebook, don't unfollow on Twitter. Don't stop liking, commenting, retweeting etc WHEN NECESSARY.
I am not saying you should perch on their wall waiting for a post or picture then like or comment. No. When their post appears on your feed and you find it interesting, you can do the needful.
Deleting them or blocking them may not be a good idea but you can go ahead if you are not sure you can take it when you see them change their relationship status.
My ex should be ready for me on social media because the way I have always liked and commented and retweeted when we were still cool is the same way I will keep liking and commenting and retweeting even after the breakup. To me a breakup shouldn't affect my social communication..
Internet advice three: Do not turn to alcohol.
My Advice: don't even think of alcohol.
Some people feel drowning their sorrows with alcohol can sometimes seem pretty cool. But don't apply that after a relationship. There are no sorrows to drown, you only resurrect depression and insecure feelings.
Getting drunk will only make you do crazy things you might regret. Have your friends and family around you can talk to so you would find little or no consolation in taking alcohol.
Internet advice four: Do not go on the hunt for someone else.
My advice: "you are frozen, when you heart is not open"- Madonna
I saw this quote somewhere-
“The best way to get over a person is to get under a new one”
Well, it may not be a good idea but you can't remain scooped in not wanting to give someone else a chance.
Okay I get it, your ex messed up big time and you feel the person asking for a chance now will do the same? Well, there is only one way to find out.
Its good you wait for the "breakup wound" to heal (if any) before you decide to give someone else a chance. But if you are like my friend who believe the world has ended because she is back to single, then you may want to try that person out. You may not want to give it your everything at first. Just to be safe.
Be bold. Don't chicken out because someone played with your emotions! Face your fears and deal with the feelings. Don't be in your room sulking all day and wanting to be left alone and your ex is out there making new friends and having fun like you never existed.
I just pray no one gets to be my ex because that person will not understand why we broke up in the first place.
And please, don't use sex as a post breakup remedy! You only make yourself feel bad and ashamed later.
Internet advice five: Don't condemn yourself to sorrow
My advice: Be happy and smile always like the whole world is watching.
After a breakup, a friend decided to be the happiest person on earth. She shopped for amazing things. She wore breathtaking outfits with a matching smile and always cat-walked down the street with her head high. I don't know if she did that to let her ex know that she is perfectly happy without him. But whatever her reasons were, it was making heads turn.
Let each day pass with you smiling and being happy with yourself. Don't blame yourself for the breakup, you only bring down your ego. See the breakup as a push up to greater people.
Sitting in your room crying and thinking you are pouring out your heart is not the answer. Going out, facing the world with your smiling face and proving that breaking up is not the end of the world is the answer.
Internet advice six: Do not contact your ex for any reason
My advice: if the need arises, contact your ex.
So you need help on something and the first person that came to your mind is your ex! You know he or she is the best person to help you out and you are telling me you will not call him or her because he is your ex and you feel he may think you are pushing hard to get him back! Please, give me a break.
If my ex is a doctor and something happens and I am in need of medical advice; I will not hesitate to call him.
If I show care after a breakup it doesn't mean I want another chance. It simply means I am human.
I can ring my ex to know how he is doing and he would be mature enough to pick and respond like a human being. Its only someone immature that will start blabbing about you wanting him or her back when you call.
Internet advice seven: Don’t let yourself go
My advice: Let it go, not yourself.
Most times after a breakup, some people don't remember to let go of the situation. Instead, they let themselves go but the whole issue still remains there.
Focus on yourself. Don't just sit there doing nothing, get up, get dressed and step out into the fresh air. Mingle with people, smile, chat and enjoy yourself and before you know it, you are cool with yourself.

Well, that's it. Remember not all may work for you.
You can still tell me what you think in the box below.
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About Me

Model, Computer Techie, PR, Social Media Marketer, App Developer, Freelancer, Blogger! . . . Oh, I forgot to add Social Worker! Plus, I like writing my thoughts down! . . AND . . I LOVE making new FRIENDS! . . . Contact me on social media -- Rosy Omeje

8 comments:

  1. Hmmmmmm.... Do people still have ex in this century? What happened to sticking to the end?

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  2. My ex is in the past now... Not bothered about her anymore!

    ReplyDelete
  3. *coughs* passing!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Do people still breakup?

    ReplyDelete
  5. I better remain single thsn pass through all these

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hmmmmmm... After reading these i feel like calling my x...
    Lemme know if she is still alive after all she said about not surviving if i leave her!
    Girls!

    ReplyDelete
  7. i think ajetomtom really needs this, along side whiskey and kingscheta
    Techsparkhub.com just passing by

    ReplyDelete

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