Thursday, 2 February 2017

Things You Say That Can Ruin Your Marriage

Words can cause just as much pain, if not more, than that of physical pain. Even if the words don't seem to mean much to the person saying them, they can drastically affect the emotional state of the one on the receiving end.

In a marriage or even a relationship, it is very important to solve conflicts right away to avoid the repressed anger and built up emotions that can come to the surface from waiting it out.



There are somethings you say that can bring your relationship to an end! Its necessary you know them and try no to say them! The consequences may be unthinkable. However, if you are tempted to say these  things to your spouse, have a rethink because these statements can destroy the happiness that your marriage once had:

1. "Just leave it - I'll do it myself":

You think it is easier to fold the laundry by yourself, or do the dishes alone while he goes back into his room, but what you're really doing is pushing him away. No one likes to feel like their efforts were worthless. No one likes to be reminded of their incompetence.

Saying that you can do it yourself is another way of showing the lack of patience you have for your spouse. If you keep this up, after a while, your husband may think he can never do anything right, and can't even please her!

Even if you do not think they notice that you are doing it, eventually you will either get tired of what little they do around the home! Sometimes they may bring up frustrations with you about the way you treat them in an accusing way! My advice; let them help you even if you truly can do it yourself! But if you must do it alone, politely and lovingly tell them to allow you do it. Once in a while you can let them help you out! No harm in that!

2. "It's not my problem":

This is a false statement. Your problems are shared now so its your problem too. When you exchanged vows, this is one of the many things you agreed to. Support your spouse and be with them especially in hard times. No one really wants to be alone when times are tough. Saying it's not your problem puts your spouse in a very difficult spot emotionally because you are essentially telling them to go through their trial alone.
Image result for images of not my problem

There will be times in your marriage when one of you is whining, complaining and being just plain stubborn. Ignoring them and saying that they need to get over it because it is not your problem can break the trust that they have for you. They will not want to tell you again whenever they need your help. And this will be bad on you later on.
My advice; be open with your spouse! What happy marriage has little or no communication? When there is a problem, combine your efforts and try to solve it together! In a situation where you know you can’t help much, use words of encouragement to support them! This way, you are making a problem shared half solved!

3. "You never ........ ":

Telling your spouse “you never” at the beginning of a sentence  instantly opens up a can of worms. For instance, saying “you never take me out on a date or you never care to know how my day went” can make your spouse feel pretty bad! The negative tone that comes with phrases such as these will bring out a very defensive partner. Your spouse wants to do almost anything for you, but it is all in the way you ask.

Blanket statements are unfair and can make your partner feel as if they are being attacked and can do nothing to fix it. Make sure you are not making accusations or assumptions that are not true because trust is easily broken when these are brought into the picture. My advice; even if they have never done that stuff you are saying, don’t rub it on their face and make it look like they are not capable. Instead, calmly explain to them why you need that stuff done!

4. "I told you so":

You are not always right. Take that statement as you wish, but it is just the truth. Constantly letting your partner know that you are right and they are wrong will leave them questioning their role in the relationship. Building resentment for one another starts with phrases like this. Even though you have actually told them something and they had gone ahead to do the opposite which didn’t yield the expected result; you mustn’t make them feel that they are  good for nothing! My advice; once this happens, you must take action to repair the damage as soon as possible! And try not to repeat the same statement even when they do the same thing. Instead, explain to them how their own opinion is great, but let them know that your point of view would work better if given a try!
Image result for cartoon images of i told you so

5. "Why can't you be more like ……. ":

Even if you don't say it out loud, your spouse can tell when you are comparing them to someone else.  Asking them to be like someone else will eliminate the unique qualities you love about them and open up the anger and guilt they don't want to feel for you. Clearly pointing out that they would be a better spouse if only that can be like someone else simply shows them that you can’t stand them!

My advice; mutual respect, love, compassion- these are all feelings that should always be present in a healthy relationship. Remember the wonderful qualities they have and stop pointing out their flaws.

Try using encouraging statements to replace these ones to avoid regrets!
Do you know any other hurting statements that can get your spouse angry?
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Model, Computer Techie, PR, Social Media Marketer, App Developer, Freelancer, Blogger! . . . Oh, I forgot to add Social Worker! Plus, I like writing my thoughts down! . . AND . . I LOVE making new FRIENDS! . . . Contact me on social media -- Rosy Omeje

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